This is the objective measurement which will cause the downfall of Alexander's government ; the definitive statistical yardstick which provides irrefutable evidence of rhe rottenness of the Cabinet. For those of you who are surprised that I have hid my statistical skills under a rather capacious bushel, I will reveal the secrets of my methods by a deadline of October 25th 2024. For those of you who still believe that the present Cabinet comprises competent, well-meaning politicians, you can brandish the DPKI as evidence which is so objective that it cannot be argued with, like, say, school league tables.
Cabinet members have been given a score. The higher their level of incompetence, the higher the score. Similarly, devotion to the tenets of Pfeffelism (flags, statues, inane slogans) pushes the score up significantly. So, on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 denoting the acme of Pfeffelism, here are the results:
Gavin Williamson 9.6
Priti Patel 9.5
Lord (David) Frost 9.4
Oliver Dowden 9.3
Robert Jenrick 9.2
Dominic Raab 9.1
Ben Wallace 8.9
Elizabeth Truss 8.8